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The New GOP

At this point, obviously, I want Bernie Sanders for president, even if he does look like an old geezer from the club. Whenever he speaks to Wall Street thievery or Big Pharmaceutical addiction I feel like one of those bobble heads on the dashboard: uh huh, uh huh. But even Bernie admits he can’t do much with this country as it is, and that his campaign is more of an educational convoy across America. Let’s face it, we’re on the express toll-way to idiocracy and our lowest common denominators are aggressively speeding along with horns blaring and naked women profile mudflaps waving in the exhaust. (As witnessed every time Trump takes the podium; or worse- stands to the side while Sarah Palin spews her random idiom-speak.)

What the hell has happened to the Republican Party?! Just as I start to feel sorry for them Ted Cruz says something truly idiotic and I think to myself, wait- I thought you had to be born in the United States in order to be eligible for the presidency. Why is he still talking? Compared to the no-nonsense lock-down tactics of the conservatives in the 1980s, today’s GOP reminds me of a beetle flailing around on its back. And let’s be honest, the O is growing at an exponential rate while the G fades silently into the background… pretty soon they’ll just be the OP; Ole Party.

Hey OPers, if you want your party to live to see another generation, then I have a couple of suggestions. The biggest obstacle to getting younger generations on board is that you don’t stand for one big picture ideal. You get so bogged down in the individual issues that you can’t agree with yourselves, much less the rest of us. It’s kind of like attending a wedding where you know both the bride and the groom; just pick a side of the aisle and sit down. (Try talking to the guy next to you; yep, the one with all the piercings and tattoos. You never know, he might be a helluva guy, and if not, what’s the worry? It’s a wedding. Unless you’re related to him, chances are you’ll never see him again. Besides, the differences are what make us interesting to each other, instead of picking on them, why not try to embrace the contrast.)

For argument’s sake, let’s say ‘no government interference’ is the party ideal and all republicans are for less federal regulation. Great, but it has to be across the board; no regulation of marriage, marijuana or money.

“Why shouldn’t gay people have the right to be as miserable as us heteros?”-M.S.

Marijuana: finally a luxury tax that doesn’t penalize the old guard! If you’re truly the Grand Ole Party then prove it by planting it, harvesting it, and taxing the spliff out of it.

As for taxes, pick a percentage. Go ahead, pick a card and let’s get on with it. Everyone (including corporations) pays a flat tax and our economy can set sail.

The other main problem I see with the new GOP is they don’t stay the course. They seem to have two sets of standards, one for the Big Guys and one for everyone else. I’ll admit that democrats sling enough legislation to choke a hippo, and because of it we’re turning into a country of pampered participation-ribbon-wearing pansies, but in this country we are all gonna play by the same set of rules. It’s kind of a founding principle.

Take the guys from Nevada terrorizing wildlife in Oregon, while claiming to be taking back the land for the people. I can’t help but call them out as ignorant fools. Ignorant of our system of government in that they don’t seem to understand the land already belongs to each and every one of us— and ignorant of how taxes are necessary to oversee and protect public lands; fools to think that state management won’t lead to private ownership. And even card-carrying republicans in their Yosemite Sam hats won’t gain access once the land is privately owned. Call me crazy, but electing a democratic socialist doesn’t seem half as scary as a billionaire’s buffoon.

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